I think my students have issues.

Rather than assigning the standard 10-page Freshman English research paper as a final project, I had my students work on group research projects this semester. This was/is great because:

• The students enjoy it a lot more than writing individual papers
  
• I haven't prepared a lesson in 5 weeks since my students have been working in class
  
• Fewer papers to grade during finals week (i.e., now)

Because I know that group projects often mean that one person does all the work and the other people still get A's, I created a "contract and evaluation" portion of the project wherein the group wrote a contract at the beginning of the project to divide up the workload, establish deadlines and expectations, etc. I also had each student e-mail me confidential evaluation at the end of the project (today) to let me know who worked and who didn't so that I can grade accordingly. I just asked for a paragraph, but one student took her evaluation to a new level. Three pages. Here's an excerpt, because I think you'll find it hilarious:

Amber is controlling. She bosses people around and interrupts constantly. She is a confused elitist, she believes she belongs to a group of superior beings when in fact she does not and exhibits a condescending attitude towards those whom she deems inferior, i.e. me. Her tendency to be controlling does aid the group in meeting deadlines. However, she could have been more approachable in the process.

Lisa seemed to be more interested in [fellow group member] Mike than getting work done in class. She always got her work done when we asked for it, but she did not work on the project in class. She is very intelligent but she is naive and that prohibits a mature train of thought.

Wow.

I'd like to note that Lisa is this student's friend and roommate; they come to class together and leave together every singly day. They gossip together. They giggle together. They do their homework together. They whisper and write notes back and forth while I'm talking.

The funny thing about this is that a good portion of this student's evaluation was spent panicking about the quality of the paper because her group members refused to set up meetings outside of class to put the project together. Amber, the supposedly controlling bitch (who I like very much and who is not the strongest writer but who works very hard to get A's on her papers by coming to my office, going to the writing center, etc), wrote exactly the same thing in her evaluation. If those two had spent less time hating each other and trying to control each other, they could have actually gotten their shit together and organized a meeting.

I haven't actually read this group's project yet, but I'm interested to see what came of it. Three of the four students in this group are among my best, so it's entirely possible that they'll pull a good project out of their asses despite the conflicts. Or maybe they really did do a shitty job. We'll see. I can't wait to see the glares they give each other during their presentation.

It's fun to be a teacher.